WLS and Regain. . .

Well something said at last night's meeting, not for the first time, but voiced by many of us in the past year, is that dirty word, regain. . .

I think we need to come out of the closet here, were we ever in a closet? and take the shame away from that word.  Way back when I was exploring this surgical intervention, I heard many a naysayer tell me about this person and that one, who had this surgery and gained all their weight back and I'll bet just about everyone has heard of such stories if they shared that they were considering WLS, well I am sharing my experience as I am wont to do and so this is about my perspectives here and I am opening the door to hear yours. . . 

I researched and read that there was a certain rebound weight gain for many WLS patients and that it was normal, however, I thought to myself, self, I will not be one of those. . . ha ha, what made me think I'd be different, the same thought that made me believe that once I reached my goal I would be able to maintain it for life, gee, life now might be a very long time now and reality has bit me in the butt. . . 

I've read it, I've heard it and now I know it to be true, this is NOT an easy way for any of us, at losing weight we excelled, at maintaining weight loss we failed repeatedly, so that is where my fears come from, realizing that here I am at that place I never succeeded, which is so why Shauna coined the word "Successing" because this is not one and done, this is lifetime commitment and that commitment means, some days I detour, but the hope in making this commitment is that I don't wind up in a ditch somewhere all by myself, well not really by myself, with my old companion food and nothing but feelings of failure to keep me company.  So now, how to combat that. . .

Get back on the road to successing, do what I know and was willing to do during my honeymoon period, the tool, as we discuss, has been placed in our hands, but have we put it down somewhere and let it get rusty?  Well for those of you, who like me, are struggling with fears or anxieties about regain, let's pick up our tool and live our lives as WLS people who can and do live successful lives.   Success is not a number, it has no destination, it means simply that we strive to get up each day and do our best.  Hope you saw some humor in this, because while the nature of this is serious, I cannot fail to find humor in my thinking. . .

You are not alone, I am not alone, what I cannot do alone, we can do together. . .

Laureen

Laureen,

You are so right!! This is a life long struggle that we will have. I spoke of this to my therapist, the fact that I was tired of thinking about food and planning my meals and watching what I eat! Hell, I have been doing it my WHOLE LIFE!!! A part of me believed that this surgery was going to release me from struggling with my food addiction. BOY, WAS I WRONG!!!! My therapist told me to think of it as what I need to do to stay healthy and that, yes, it is a pain, but logging your food and exercise is an important component to this. It is also a mindset, a way of changing your thinking about food. It is fuel for the body, that is it!  I am in the process of getting back on track and putting my mind in a better place so I can lose the rest of the weight that I need to lose and to keep it off!!!! However long it takes me....

Thanks for posting!

Love, Beth

wow, so true.............not me I said.....no I won't do that either.....well, here I am struggling everyday, sometimes every hour just to DO IT...................but I do have the reality of it in my life and not saying it doesn't matter, ......admitting is the first step to any addiction...and eating is one we can't do without, not like smoking, or drinking (which I was guilty of for a time which also caused my weight gain)   but I am back on track and want to thank anyone who admits they have the same problem, I am not alone and a failure, I have fallen a little and have gotten back up....and intend to stay there.....thanks for all the oh support.....................

Laureen -
Great post! I just want to interject that the opposite way of thinking is a huge problem too.

For me, I have spent the past year thinking "Well, it's going to happen. There's nothing you can do. Get used to the idea of regaining 10-20 pounds. Probably more. Hell, you'll probably be one of the failures."

It's very self defeating of me, but in part of my brain I've always assumed (bad word) that this is temporary and that it's only a matter of time before I screw up and re gain some, if not all, of the weight lost.

Last night I jumped on the Barix scale and I am up 3 pounds from the 6/4 meeting. The part of me that panicked is exactly equal to the part that went "Well, there you go. You knew it was going to happen. The fun's over." What the hell???

This morning I woke up looked in the mirror and embraced the panicker in me. I do not want to start a slippery slope of re gain if I can help it. Getting my ass to the gym tonight and packed my lunch and snacks for the day.

One day at a time...

Black and white thinking; all or nothing; success or failure.  These are the ways I have always thought of myself.  Either I am all good, all right, or all bad.  And, clearly, that's just not true.  And I am finding more and more how important it is to be around other people so that I can see myself through their clear eyes instead of my cloudy ones. 

I had a reality check this morning.  I went to the Barix website.  There, it tells me that on average, after gastric bypass surgery, people lose 70% of their excess body weight.  This is considered "success."  So, I did the math.  I started at 320, with a goal weight of 160, which means 160 pounds of excess weight.  70% of that is 112.  320 minus 112 means "success" for me is weighing 208 pounds.  I currently weigh 205. Never mind that once upon a time I weighed 165.  By Barix standards, I am a success story at 4 years out.  And, of course, my personal successes cannot be charted or measured in numbers at all.

I got so much out of last night's meeting.  I cannot tell you how glad I am that I decided to show up.  It was wonderful to see old friends and meet people I've only seen here online.  I heard a few very important things:  I have a tool.  Maybe I put it down sometimes, but it is still in my toolbox, and it still works when I take it out and use it.  Reach out to someone you know may be struggling, maybe someone you haven't seen on the boards or at a meeting for a while.  A couple of people immediately came to my mind.  (LisaAC, Dolores, the Heathers -- in case you're lurking!) 

We need each other.  I forgot.  I get support from a couple of 12-step programs, but NOBODY understands the struggles and triumphs of a WLS patient like another WLS patient.

OMG Jill - thank you for putting this into perspective for me......I am so sorry that I did not make it last night.  I would have loved to meet you and am hopeful that you will come to a future meeting so I CAN meet you.

Anyway - you completely piqued my interest in the math aspect of this.  Either way I look at it, MY goal of 150 lbs, or the "goal" of lord knows who of 132, my 70% of excess weight is way more than what I currenty weigh!!!!!!!!!!  Although I too am struggling with trying to figure out how to combat this dreaded disease and treat it appropriately, I too am a SUCCESS!!!!!!!

You have no idea what you just did for my psyche.  I have been struggling with depression these last several months and I attributed some of it to the regain, I am now on new meds and am feeling a bit better, however, THIS epiphany if you will, well, this might really be the medicine I really needed!

THIS is why this board and support in general is so important.  You never know who you may touch just by a few small words!

Thank you for this Jill! :)

Well this is a post and replies is  filled with honesty, support, emotion and love.

There should be no shame in regain yet we tend to beat ourselves up over it or else we turn away from those that can understand to help us. Audrey expressed words last night that hit home for myself sitting in the room last night. Along with everyone else that added supportive comments.  Those that are close to me have knowledge to what is going on with me but not to many others. Other then I am sure you can see my regain. Yet while I am sure some would relish in the thought of my regain. I have to have enough love for myself to know those are the ones that do not matter to me in my life.

I have had regain when I noticed it was occurring I was on it and cried then enough was enough I got a trainer started Zumba. My eating habits had not changed from when I was maintaining yet I was regaining. I was at the gym cursing out Tamar 3 days a week yet still gaining. Clothes didn't fit I thought those days were over. I had to buy pants in a size bigger WTF!!!!

I reached out to close trusted friends cause I knew they would listen offer advise along with understand. We broke down what was going on in life. Well by sharing all my dark secrets with them without fear I was on a medicine to control my depression. This is not something I will openly share in the past. Yet I will put it all out there for you. After a long talk with our Nicole and Kathleen I told what my pcp had me on well that was a drug that cause weight gain. Both told me I needed to seek care for myself with a psychiatrist. It took 4 month is to get an appointment with one she was experienced with WLS patients. She weened me off the current medicine right away and started a new med program for me. I also hdf a long heart to heart with Dr. Marymor. Thanking him for not being disappointed in me for regain.

Now I have work to do because I still have the tools to get me where I want to be.I have a game plan along with knowledge. I have self esteem I didn't have in the past. I did not loss faith in trust after confidences were broken but knew I needed to trust those around me even more to lift me up as I fell. I am more then a number on a scale but I need to feel comfort in my own skin. I am a working in progress and will be till the day I have eternal rest.

Guess I trust you all to share in this public forum that I struggle but yet I know I am never walking alone in this journey.....

This is a great post Laureen. I've had a regain from my lowest weight following WLS and no, I'm not happy about it but I do know I have the tool and need to get back to the mindset I has following surgery. I 'took a year off' following my Mom's death but it's time to move on and get back to me.

Thanks again. Kathy